What to do?

somdude85 · 05-12-2007, 06:32 PM

So me and my girlfriend have a very open, honest relationship. She knows that I have feelings for a friend of hers.. a friend she goes way back with. Unless I'm way off, I think the feeling is somewhat mutual between her friend and I. I've had feelings for this friend of hers ever since I began college 2 years ago. My girlfriend and I have been together for roughly 14 months. The situation has caused some grief but she understands and we're still very much in love.

We've discussed the situation on several occasions. So far, no action has been taken to bring up the subject to her friend. My girlfriend is considering talking with her 1 on 1 about it and I've thought about either doing the same or posting a message to her to get it off our chests. We're not certain how she'd react, however, my girlfriend doesn't think she'd freak out or any thing of that sort.

The thing is I'm not sure how this would benefit our friend nor if it would relieve any tension I have when I'm around her. And what do I make of a "Yes" to the question my girlfriend plans on posing to her - "Do you have feelings for him?"

So I'm looking for an outsider's perspective for our situation. What do you think should be done?

**The An-Jel** · 05-16-2007, 02:13 PM

I don't know what would be the purpose of telling her unless you don't want to be with your girlfriend anymore. Frankly I am surprised your girlfriend hasn't dumped you over this, unless your sexual practices might include threesomes. Not meant as an insult but wow this is pretty liberal and surprising that you would discuss it with your girl. That would be a sign that your relationship is not rock solid as girls seem to like it to be.

somdude85 · 05-16-2007, 02:45 PM

Thanks for the reply An-Jel.

I totally understand what you mean. What is the purpose of revealing this to our friend unless I plan to act on it?

Here's some things to consider An-Jel..

1. We're about to experiment with an open relationship, possibly swinging (this highlights your threesome comment). I found this read http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelatio...nrelationships quite interesting.
2. We're very honest/trusting of each other. She says she'd rather know what's up than have to guess what's hidden. I could deny it, however, it weighs on my mind and it shows.
3. We're about to make living arrangements together.
4. Is their a perfectly "rock solid" relationship or is that a misconception? I would try my best to work through troubled times, communicate honestly, and keep an open-mind. "Rock solid" is likely to be a subjective description.

and finally,

5. It's out now, our friend knows.

I would be lying if I said I could predict what exactly this will do. It's off my chest now what are the consequences? Will it ease some tensions or will it make things terribly awkward for the three of us? Where do me and my GF go from here?

**George** · 05-16-2007, 03:18 PM

My vote is it's either going to make things awkward or drive your friend away. Depends on how your friend feels about you.

The only "good" thing that can happen now is you find out the friend doesn't have the same feelings for you. That way you both know how the other feels and it's no different than any other friendship you've had where you were attracted to the person. Her not being interested gives solid ground as it draws teh line where everyone involved knows you think she's attractive and you like her but nothing is going to happen so it's cool. In that way it's no different than telling your girlfriend some celebrity you see on TV is HOT!

somdude85 · 05-16-2007, 05:30 PM

Well time would alleviate a mere awkward feeling I think, but I certainly hope it doesn't drive a friend away. My GF has known her since preschool (yeah) and I highly doubt friendship will change in that context. Not sure how it would affect me, however.

**The An-Jel** · 05-16-2007, 11:23 PM

Ah College... fun times.

Most times a relationship with a friend changes everything. I really don't understand how swinging works in a relationship but I have heard that 90% of these types of relationships turn out pretty badly especially when the couple doing it are not married. Stuff I heard... I have no personal experience.

Rock solid relationships? Yep...

How did the friend react when the feelings were known?

Did you explain about you and your GF's Open Relationship?

somdude85 · 05-18-2007, 03:09 PM

Friend reacted well. Me and my GF took a turn talking with her individually. I discovered that the feeling wasn't mutual so that takes care of that.

We are now in an open relationship, yes. There is concern (which is expected) from friends and we will address that as needed.

Concern is good.. I respect that. However, any "intervention" whatsoever will not go over well with me.