Writers. - Page 3

**debdodd** · 05-28-2008, 09:38 PM

okay ....... not the kind of story I usually like to read .... I'm no fan of murder/gore unless it has a forensic story line as in Patrica Cornwell ... I feel like I was missing a lot of details ... I didn't understand why the guy was there .... basically a lot of what? but once again it is a short story so it's not suppose to tell me a lot .... I felt as if I was reading snippets of a story

keep on writing, I'm no expert just what I was thinking while I read it. Deb

shadowind · 05-29-2008, 01:18 PM

thanks

my normal problem is i have to many thoughts put into too small an area when i try to write, so i went the opposite direction on that one and tried to put as few details as i could, thinking about maby making it a graphic novel or something eventually,(which practicly means never) the guy was there orginally to see a friend, then mystery, then revenge. it might make a good shot-them-up-game story line and i'm trying to learn more about programing so theres that option to. basicly the guy found his friend's dad faked suicide sceen, found the man responsible, then found the higher up/more responsible guy and became a vigalante then got off by temp. insainty. also speaks alittle about the desire for revenge and the pleasure in being a death dealer, if i make it into a game eventually(again practicly means never) a cool thought just camed to me, auditory hallucinations

**debdodd** · 05-29-2008, 02:17 PM

true, but you can't just do gestalt therapy kind of writing ... usually .... intro ... bam! dead guy! that can often be a kind of screen play writers mode of writng but today's market seem to want lead in's and convoluted characters with rich, juicy, fleshed out people ... some like your short story type but it's usually not in the novel venue .... but keep writing .... even if it's only a paragraph a day!

Jodou1 · 05-29-2008, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by debdodd

You know you could have cut and pasted and saved yourself from keying in so much

okay .... you indicated that you want honesty so here goes ....

decent start ... you need to use more adjectives and adverbs ... lengthen your sentences so that they are more convoluted .... the story line .... I can see you have the frame work but flesh it out a bit more .... the sentences and the characters ... I need to feel like I can visualize the person, the anger, the emotions he is feeling .... feel the heat of the fires burning, scorching the hair on my arms as I run away, dry mouthed, panting with fear ... I don't need to hear fear or anger I need to feel these emotions ...

okay I hope I didn't offend that isn't my intent .... keep writing ... but not on the same chapter ... if you keep going over chapter 1 and 2 you'll keep re-writing 1 and 2 forever .... because you will never feel as if they are good enough ... the curse of writing ... it's your baby and you don't want to let it out the door unless it's perfect and believe me you can always find words to change ... you finally have to say ... enough!!!!

Once you get it to a publisher or editor then someone will pick it apart anyway!

Keep on writing ... even if it's just writng for yourself ... Deb

I'm not offended I appreciate the honesty. One thing I do want to mention though is I only wanted to lay out the distaste between Vira and Lacelus from many many centuries before my actual story takes place, so I didn't put as much development into the characters as I should have(I'll be reworking it again

). I could probably make a whole second novel off of that story, getting people attached to the family members and all that, and I suck enough at just the one book lol.

You did hit a nail on the head however, I have trouble being thoroughly descriptive, you know any good writing exercises to help with that or character development?

Again thank you for responding in a constructive way, I'll put your advice to good use, or try to anyways.

I want to attend college in the near future, thinking of a major in creative writing, I just fear spending four years on a major that doesn't hold an immense ammount of work force value.

Shadowind,

I plan to get around to your story soon, sorry I haven't yet!

**debdodd** · 05-30-2008, 06:03 AM

yes, I have some ... but right now headed to work and I will get back with you later. Deb keep writing

shadowind · 05-31-2008, 06:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jodou1

Shadowind,

I plan to get around to your story soon, sorry I haven't yet!

its ok, yours got my attention fast, most books other people read and books in school are such that i'll read them and its like 6 chapters instead of the third before it gets my attention, my grammer and spelling isn't good, yet i still keep a journal, most times what i write isn't formated in a story way, more like a poem, song or rant.

also
dare i mention how wonderfull summer nights are? not like the days, hot air makes me want to sleep,but the exicting street light highlights and orange glow reflects me back better then any mirror, a random deer poped up out of no where last night, it added to the awe of the energy before the storm, the weather before storms is one of my faviorte times to be outside, its amazing, then i'm a night awe naturally i believe, most awake like 5 to 3, i guess last night was my element, how was the storm for you debood? you should post something of yours