Jodou1

Okay I am not sure if this is breaking any sort of rule, if so please let me know and I will remove it.

Also this is the first time I have had anyone outside of my family read any of my stuff, so be gentle!

Keep in mind also that this entire chapter is supposed to be an overview as to why there is animosity between two nations in the 'present day' so for that reason there is less dialog and time is almost non-existant in the telling. I simply needed the reader to understand that even when they were friendly, these two nations were never friends.



Chapter 3Histories

Generations ago Lacelus stood as the strongest nation in the world. There were no fully independent nations due to Lacelus' influence in every major region. In those days the nation kept a much more strict set of laws, and very close ties to the church.

With nearly an entire planet under one power, many tragedies went unseen. Starving villages in remote locations were never tended to. Thieves and warlords took advantage of any place that wasn't heavily guarded by the Royal Army.

One such village was a remote farming village by the name of Vira. No one would have ever forseen Vira as a great power with a grand city. One man though, would change it all.

Aiden's ancestor Audear Huan was just a metal worker living in Vira. The town had no leadership and with Lacelus constantly turning their attention elsewhere, Audear grew tired of watching his people and his family suffer. Rallying as many of his people together as he could manage, Audear formed a small defense force for his village. Using his skills as a metal worker he worked tirelessly in his small shop to supply the force with weapons and armor.

The original intent of the group was to defend against the groups that frequently raided their town. Doing exactly that, the Vira defense force defeated one of the most well known warlords in the region. This of course drew the attention of every other warlord in the area. None of them wanted to see their prey fighting back, it would surely have inspired others to do the same.

Attack after attack Audear and his men defended their homes. The attacks refused to lessen and much to the contrary became more frequent and violent. Numerous men serving under Audear had lost their lives. Knowing that his town did not have the ability or resources to defend themselves much longer, Audear set out to travel to the grand city of Lacelus.

Audear walked for days to reach the village where he would board a ship heading to Lacelus. When he reached the great city he visited every official he could manage to find, only to be turned away before he could be heard. Eventually in a frustrated rage he shouted at the palace gates demanding to have an audience with the king. As luck would have it the king himself happened upon Audear's outburst and agreed to see him.

The king listened to Audear's tale and angrily denied him any help. "You rallied your own army without permission. Such a thing could be deemed treason, you're no better than the bandits which raid your village."

Audear unwilling to give up was eventually thrown from the palace. Without the royal support he traveled to the city for, he feared the worst for his people. With few options left to him Audear decided to seek the aid of other villages near his home.

After he departed from the boat towards his village, Audear stopped at the few villages he would pass along the way. Most of them rushed him away since the royals would never approve, and the raiders would only destroy anyone who helped Vira the same way they were now destroying Vira itself. Audear returned to his home with a heavy heart, and no assistance.

Upon his arriving it took no more than a glance to see that there had been more attacks on the village, new graves from the time he had left, a few more scorched building. At this point even Audear's own men and fellow villagers had begun to blame him. He was losing everything he wanted to protect.

Very few villages were left to seek help from, but Audear would not let his hope die. He decided to leave for those villages after he had a night to rest at his home.

He returned to his house to visit his family, the only people who hadn't blamed him once. He refueled his spirit by playing with his son, chatting with his father and mother, and spending the night with his wife. As he lay awake in bed that night all that crossed his mind were thoughts of the people in Lacelus. The people living in a fortress of a city who were ignorant to the tragedies that were just past its grand archway, and the king of those people who could only look at Audear with disgust.

Audear quietly slipped into his dreams, where his wife and son were equal to even the king of lacelus.

-----------too long for one post lol.

__________________
“Infidelity does not consist in believing or in disbelieving: it consists in professing to believe what one does not believe.”-Thomas Paine

Jodou1

He awoke the morning after to cries of pain and the roaring of flames. Quickly he grabbed the weapons he had made himself and rushed to fight. When he arrived outside he witnessed a scene far worse than any of the attacks previous.

As he stood in shock he didn't notice the man charging at him, he took a club to the side of his head and fell to the ground.

Audear awoke not to the cries of pain or roaring of flames but to the absolute silence that had engulfed the village. He scanned his surroundings and found himself in the burnt out shell of a house. He reached for the spot on his head where he had taken the hit, and found a bandage. Observing the others in the room he saw only a few men, women, and children all tending the wounded and most themselves were wounded in some way.

No one said much to him, about how he survived or what happened after he fell unconcious. Most probably blamed him for the attack anyways. He came to the conclusion that lying on the ground covered in blood, the bandits presumed him already dead.

After gathering what strength remained to him he stood and walked from the building. He was prepared to see a beaten village but nothing like what his eyes took in. The scorched walls that he woke up in compromised the only building left that could even be considered a building.

His wife and son were not in the small house with everyone else, he had hoped that they ran into the forest to hide. Hope was all he had left to go on at that point. Looking at the city, bodies weren't just scattered along the ground, they were hung from the still standing walls, body parts missing from most.

Fearfully Audear walked through the remains of his life, until he reached what he feared most. A wall dedicated to him by the raiders. His mother, father, brother, wife, and son were all mounted onto one wall. Daggers and swords pinned through their bodies to hold them up. They were slit open so that their insides would spill out.

So many things ran through his mind, the day he started the defense force, his wedding, the night his son was born, and his trip to Lacelus to find help. The question that resonated through his mind the most though, was why he didn't have a place on that wall. If they thought he was dead too, then why didn't they pin him up there as well. He fell to his knees and started whispering through his sobs "how?" and "why?" he asked knelt before his family.

Her voice nervously reached Audear "Because they wanted you to see it." A woman stood behind him telling her story. "I heard them talking while I hid in the bushes, they were going to kill you. Then their leader decided to find out who your family was. Bryer told them everything about you, and they killed him anyways. Then they rounded up everyone who didn't escape."

"Was there much pain?"

The woman grew silent at his question, turned her head downward and began sobbing. "They were still alive when it happened. They were forced onto the wall and pinned there. Then like animals one by one he cut them."

At her words Audear cried uncontrollably. The entire night he wept, vomiting occasionally. He blamed himself more than anyone else ever could have.

When day broke Audear conferenced witht he other survivors. Most suggested rebuilding the city and bargaining with the raiders. Audear however knew that they would only destroy anything he built. So they concluded that their best option was to find a new home.

Most villages refused them for fear that the same thing would happen to them. It was nearly two weeks before the survivors of Vira came across a warrior clan settlement. The chieftain was exceptionally brave and embraced Audear because he had realized the same things Audear had.

The royals ignored them, the raiders took everything which they could carry, and nothing was changing. Audear's move to defend his home was what gained him the respect of the clan.

"The other villages fear change, they fear conflict. yet they suffer and die by doing nothing. Someone is needed to challenge the way things are. I know that you're hurting, that you've lost a great deal. What you stood for though should not be lost, especially after what it's cost you." The chieftain's words frightened Audear. He was cautious at the thought of repeating his mistakes, but more than fear or caution Audear felt a burning desire for revenge.

"I'll lead your men, but I have a request."

"You wish to take the men and kill those who destroyed your village." The chieftain knew what was in Audear's heart before he worded it. Audear nodded in affirmation.

The chieftain encouraged Audear to fight but warned him that revenge would not restore his lost heart. Regardless Audear only agreed to lead the men if he could seek it out. Reluctantly the chieftain granted the request, and Audear set out to track the raiders.

It was a few weeks before Audear returned to the village with the knowledge of where the raiders were. From there he led his army and marched towards them. One of the survivors of Vira marched along side Audear waving a flag with the symbol of Vira on it.

With fewer men and less equipment, Audear and his men attacked the raiders' camp. They slaughtered dozens before the others even reached their weapons. Audear ferociously tore through every man he came across. The fight didn't last long, many bandits fled the battle, and those that stayed were not prepared for the men of the warrior clan or Audear's rage.

At one point Audear found what he wanted most, the leader of the bandits. The memory of his family on that wall etched into his mind he quickly disarmed the man and flung him to the ground. He beat him with the hilt of his sword until he fell unconcious. Shortly after that the raiders were scattered and beaten completely.

Audear sent the rest of his men home, and promised to follow a few days behind them.

He took the bandit leader and chained him up. The bandit awoke in a cart drawn by horses, with Audear leading them. He could not discern where exactly they were from his place in the cart, only that never once did the cart stop until it reached Audear's destination.

Once they had stopped Audear walked to the back of the cart and ripped the man from it. The bandit knew well where they stood at that point, the burnt out village of Vira.

Audear grabbed the man and begun to drag him through the city until reaching a burnt wall with five gravestones nearby. "This should look familiar to you, it's where you took away my family."

The man knew now why he was brought there and he tried intensely to escape. He pulled on his chains, tried to attack Audear, but Audear simply struck him down. As he lay on the ground Audear knelt down and released his chains.

The bandit took this as a notion of his freedom and stood slowly. He looked at Audear who had his head turned towards the graves. Quickly Audear spun and grabbed the man by his throat and forced him back onto the wall.

Along Audear's belt he had many daggers and swords. He took a dagger from his belt and forced it throught he bandit's right palm into the wall.

"That was in my brother's hand. He was going to practice medicine next spring, be a healer when he came home."

Audear then had to restrain the man further as he swung and struggled to get free. He let out curses and cries for his life but Audear was unable to be stopped. Audear took a sword from his belt and drove it through the bandit's right shoulder.

"I took that from my father's shoulder. He fought in more than one war in his youth. He fought for Lacelus and they ignored us, he was a knight at heart, to die like this wasn't honorable."

Next Audear grabbed a dagger and forced it into the man's left palm.

"I had to pull that from my child's hand. He would cry if a bee stung him, or he fell onto rocks. I asked myself, what kind of monster could bear the kinds of cries he must have made that night, knowing they were causing them, and continue to cause them? He must've wondered why I wasn't there to save him."

At this point the man could only beg over and over to be released. Audear wouldn't pay attention though. He pulled a sword from his belt and drove it into the left shoulder.

"My mother's body held this one. She was so gentle, she would just garden most days... She hated seeing blood, it made her sick."

Lastly Audear pulled a blade from his belt that the bandit recognized well.

"This blade is yours, I imagine it is the one you used to cut them open with?"

The bandit clenched his eyes and nodded, he then begun begging Audear again.

"My wife, she was beautiful. I remember being afraid when she was around, that I'd say the wrong thing, or I'd bore her. You know, this was her favorite time of year. She would always mention how wonderful the trees looked when the leaves changed colors and covered the ground. It's why the graves are facing the woods, she'd want to see them."

A moment of silence came before Audear placed the blade at the man's throat. He dug it in and slid down through his torso. Audear spent that night in Vira at the graves his family lay in. The next day he rode to meet his men back home.

------------

Okay I am cutting it off there, it is the strongest point in that chapter and I am tired of typing atm lol. The rest of the chapter is just about how Vira came to be rebuilt, warred with and eventually became Lacelus' rival in power.

__________________
“Infidelity does not consist in believing or in disbelieving: it consists in professing to believe what one does not believe.”-Thomas Paine

debdodd

gotta go to work will check it out later ..

__________________
"Ubi dubium ibi libertas."

"We are all lone souls. It pays to know humility, lest the delusion of control, of mastery, overwhelms. And indeed, we seem a species prone to that delusion, again and ever again ....."

debdodd

I swear I haven't forgotten your story to read .... my work has been tough 12-16 hour days, we have such a shortage of nurses that it almost unsafe anymore .... I hope to get around to it this weekend .... forgive me deb

__________________
"Ubi dubium ibi libertas."

"We are all lone souls. It pays to know humility, lest the delusion of control, of mastery, overwhelms. And indeed, we seem a species prone to that delusion, again and ever again ....."

Jodou1

No worries, it probably won't be worth your wait anyhow lol.

__________________
“Infidelity does not consist in believing or in disbelieving: it consists in professing to believe what one does not believe.”-Thomas Paine

debdodd

oh stop it! I read the back of cereal boxes and find enjoyment! Dr Seuss wrote cool stuff and it wasn't rocket science with green eggs and ham ya know!

These 12-14 hour days are killing me .... I need to get out of nursing ... too much shortage and they're killing us taking care of the dying .... I'm salaried so no overtime .... that sucks more than all the working! I keep trying to hire more nurses but even with $3,000 sign on bonuses and $200 extra for picking up a shift we have no takers .... sucks but patients have to have coverage.

I promise I'll read it .... maybe when I have to work that midnight to 6am shift this weekend .... damn it!!!!!

__________________
"Ubi dubium ibi libertas."

"We are all lone souls. It pays to know humility, lest the delusion of control, of mastery, overwhelms. And indeed, we seem a species prone to that delusion, again and ever again ....."

shadowind

i read it, its cool, i like the revenge part

__________________
remember "for mere impulse of appetite is slavery, while obedience to a law which we prescirbe to oursleves is liberty"-rousseau: the concept of the general will "if we can not reconcile all opions, then let us endeavour to unite all hearts."-?"to be is to be perceived"-? "‘We can be as honest as we are ignorant. If we are, when asked what is beyond the horizon of the known, we must say that we do not know’-Robert G. Ingersoll

shadowind

i wrote a short story awhile back, it might need more details, my problem is usuallly i try to put to much into a story. so i tried to put as little as possible.

1
The small town’s streets brought back memories of younger days, of sweet nights and fun times. But tonight there was a grimness in the night air. I couldn’t pinpoint it. A nervousness rested with the fog. It obscured anything more then a few feet away. It was alright through, I knew where I was going.

2
I came to the house to meet an old friend, all I found inside was blood shed.

3The man head was missing, it was nothing but a mess of goo splattered on everything in the room, the shot gun in his hand told of suicide and the note on the counter of depression. Still it seemed surreal, no, almost like it wasn’t real, something more was here, the fog hides more then sights, it hides the origin of those silent screams, of the things that go bump in the night. Elisabeth’s dad was part of the local government, a real law and order type. Something was missing, it didn’t fit.

4
the cops wrapped it up as a suicide, but it wasn’t good enough, not for me or Elizabeth, I told her that, I told her I was going to find out what I could. In the note there was a part about a motel in the city, an old man’s confessions before his death, I decided to ask the whores what they knew.

5
As soon as I entered the lot a hot looker was already trying to squeeze her hands into my wallet. She went by Chelsea. She had soft deep eyes, I could see why he liked the girls around here. At first she didn’t remember him, but his picture brought the Irregular customer back to mind. He came in maybe 2, 3, times. He got into it with the owner the last time. The owner wasn’t around I would have to come back Monday.

6
The place I was staying at was my second home. Me and the crew ran these streets when I was 15, and this house was our base of operations. Tonight it was just me and Joe, reliving old days and breathing in the musky basement air in his room below the thin floor boards. My fiancé wanted me to come home, but I couldn’t, I had to talk to the motel owner, I had to know. During the night I could hear Elisabeth and her mom’s sobs in the above rooms. They heard it that night to, the grimness in the air, the silent scream of something being wrong, it will forever echo for them, till I find the missing puzzle piece, raveled in the secret life, the secret person, found with shotgun in hand and sitting at their kitchen table.

7
I never kissed a barrel before then, it changes things, the motel owner didn’t like my questions, but he made one fatal mistake, he looked away. I didn’t bother cleaning my hands, I knew the blood would never wash away, the owner’s distraction was staring by the door way, perhaps in shock of what a simple pen can do. A short rummage through the file cabinets revealed a key to the back room. Before I could open the door a gun click paused me. Like a close up of a deer in a semi’s head lights, I could only hope my fiancé wouldn’t be hearing those same silent screams that haunt my every thought, Instead of a gun shoot, crying came from that same spot in the doorway, Chelsea was glad he was dead, she was crying happiness, she helped me open the safe in the back room. The room was full of security taps and monitors recording the secret capturing of hidden cameras. The safe had about 50 grand, a Uzi and a folder. The folder was the gem, it had evidence that his death wasn’t a suicide. But it lead to too many questions to end my search. The hidden cameras proved my innocence. The cops said it was time to lay of, that it was to dangerous, but the screams only got louder.

8
Chelsea gave me a name before we we’re separated by the cops for questioning. Thomas Johnson, boss of the new factory not more then a few streets over from home. The property was surrounded by high rise fences and had an unusual amount of security, it was the cause for the recent growth of the town and apparently a link in a dead mans story. A part of the fence allowed for easy scaling, the barbed wire wasn’t a challenge. I noticed a semi being loaded underneath a flickering street light. I made my way into Johnson’s office. I brought a heavy duty drill, his locks didn’t stand a chance. Behind his locks was more then just the standard business records, there was information on the factory’s real product. I now knew why he died, he was getting to close to interfering with Johnson’s bottom line. I knew by the time the cops arrived the documents would be shredded and burned. I took what I could.

9
I was surprised to find Chelsea waiting for me on my way out, she had a needle in her arm and a glazed hollow look in her eyes, the street corner was no place to leave her tonight, Joe was sound asleep in our crept, I hoped he wouldn’t mind waking to find another deep sleeper beside him, she should be fine, the stolen reports and syringe told me so. I went to the local station, the doors were locked and closed, this towns police force was asleep at home, waiting for something other then punk kids stealing cigarettes from the mom and pop stores. The city district wasn’t to keen on my night owl activities, but it got the task force moving and me a night in jail.

10
I was back from the city, home sweet home but there was a bitterness in the air. The house was void of its familiar sounds. A news report of the drug bust was the only audible vibration. But those silent screams were back, there should be something more here, a note, a message, but there was just a silence and then a boom

(option one: boom was a gun shoot, end story, protagonist dead)
(option 2: explosion)

11.1 blackness, void, death

11.2

My tranquil nervousness exploded in a ball of flame. A stinging in my leg reminded me I was alive. The window become an escape route for the swirling black smoke as I made my way out. The splinters in my leg were like grass hoppers jumping around my nervous system. The pulsating pain worsened as I heard the fainting drone of sirens. Everything faded to blackness, and the siren’s screams grew fainter.

12

The hospital was a dream, I never knew the world of pain killers to be so lucid. When I came to she was asleep on the bedside couch. She was the angel in my nightmare. My fiancée. My Hannah. Maybe I should of listen to her, maybe I should of went home. Now it was to late, I couldn’t back down now. I had to find them. I could see the cops guarding my door, they wouldn’t let me leave, I decided to lay next to her and try to silence the screams with the sweet familiar scent of her hair.

13
Gun shoots woke us, I told Hannah to go hide in the restroom and lock the door. A bleeding cop busted through the door as I hobbled to peak out the window to the hall.. He gave me his reserved side arm. A shiny metal cart showed where Johnson’s Henchmen were as they advanced up the hall. It seemed he was out for revenge, all he would get is a pile of his own men, oozing blood and holding their own guts. I never knew video games and paint ball would keep me alive against 4 sadistic madmen. The last man was gargling his own blood, I watched him die.

14
Hannah was put in protective custody, I escaped out a bath room window. Thomas Johnson couldn’t hide from me. His henchman cigars and matches came from his hotel, it was a jumping off point. One way or another, I’ll find him. First I needed a gun, I knew a few houses I could rob.

15
The “sky rise” was a resort hotel atop a eagles perch view of the city lights. The cliff it rested upon was a long fall. I had plans to send Johnson flying if he was there. There was a party going on inside, ball room dancing and cocaine lines. A second story balcony was my entrance point, a ladder left by a forgetful paint crew made it the perfect way to get past security. I asked a room service girl where I might find the hotel manager.

16
Bill Garcia was hitting up the powder when I found him. A word from the wise, don’t let your body guards get wasted with you. He talked like a school girl with the latest gossip. Stupidity and betrayal is still despicable, he lost his ring finger to his own cigar trimmer. I was tired of his type, I decided to let the cops clean up the mess. A few of the crooked bastards where there high as the kites of my childhood. I knew the entire police force wasn’t all bad through.

17
Johnson’s goons were allover the complex. It was Johnson’s fall out shelter. I expected my friends to be alive inside. If they weren’t Johnson would be begging for death. A T.V. inside the gate house was blaring. It was a news report about me, vigilante or not, I had to do what I had to do.

__________________
remember "for mere impulse of appetite is slavery, while obedience to a law which we prescirbe to oursleves is liberty"-rousseau: the concept of the general will "if we can not reconcile all opions, then let us endeavour to unite all hearts."-?"to be is to be perceived"-? "‘We can be as honest as we are ignorant. If we are, when asked what is beyond the horizon of the known, we must say that we do not know’-Robert G. Ingersoll

shadowind

18
I reposition my self to get a better view of the scenery, the gate house guards bleeding head was face down on the T.V. remote. Some one else was here. A patrolling guard came across the body, the complex was on high alert, gun shoots rang out shortly, it was the distraction I needed.

19
Chelsea’s gang was there for her. I could see them and the girls willingly following along. Both groups tired of Johnson’s oppression. Both groups with guns in hand, but they we’re just here to live, here to rescue, here to escape, here to run. I guess I was here for the same thing, but I couldn’t run, instead I was here to kill and that’s what I did. The rifle on my back was good enough to kill any one in the complex with a clear line of sight. And kill is what I did. I’m sure the girls appreciated the cover.

20
After the kill fest I learned of Joe, and what happened in the night to the girls. They beat Joe to death for trying to escape and for trying to protect what he loved. Joe was a fighter, he died strapped to a chair. So would Johnson. I made my way to the center building with a few recruits from Chelsea’s gang. A helicopter landed on the roof, the only place it was going was hell. A single shot got rid of the pilot. I was becoming fond of mister Calister’s rifle.

21. The halls we’re littered with bodies, his men, the gang. I didn’t realize I was shoot in the arm till right before my last man was blown away. Johnson had a shot gun in his corner, a double barrel, he used his last chance trying to blow away a dead man, it was the body of one of his own men I threw around the corner for him. Lead was soon pumped into his extremities. I strapped him down. I started with his nails, pulling them out one by one. A mirror by him showed us. I could only see hate. I wanted him to see himself with out his skin, with out his body guards or money, I wanted him to see his dead heart and part of my dead heart in his stomach. Every once in a while I would take a hand full of his skin and force it down his throat as he had force himself down others. He stopped screaming at some point, maybe it was when he could see his own black lungs and his black heart exposed in his chest cavity.

22.
His lungs stopped from infection in the hospital. I was charged with more murder counts then stars. My lawyer and her expert “witness” said a crack in my sanity formed when Elizabeth’s dad was murdered, it got bigger as the days faded by, climaxing at the death of Thomas Johnson. I was found innocent on temporary insanity. But I had my tongue in check during the court proceedings, I would of told them, but then I never would of left the strait jacket, I would have been isolated from my sanity, from Hannah, family and friends. They needed me, I needed them. The grimness in the air that night never left, the screams come back now and again. But the truth of the night, the night I got Johnson, I didn’t want to stop the animal tearing his flesh away, a part of me said stop, but I enjoyed it to much.

__________________
remember "for mere impulse of appetite is slavery, while obedience to a law which we prescirbe to oursleves is liberty"-rousseau: the concept of the general will "if we can not reconcile all opions, then let us endeavour to unite all hearts."-?"to be is to be perceived"-? "‘We can be as honest as we are ignorant. If we are, when asked what is beyond the horizon of the known, we must say that we do not know’-Robert G. Ingersoll

debdodd

You know you could have cut and pasted and saved yourself from keying in so much okay .... you indicated that you want honesty so here goes ....

decent start ... you need to use more adjectives and adverbs ... lengthen your sentences so that they are more convoluted .... the story line .... I can see you have the frame work but flesh it out a bit more .... the sentences and the characters ... I need to feel like I can visualize the person, the anger, the emotions he is feeling .... feel the heat of the fires burning, scorching the hair on my arms as I run away, dry mouthed, panting with fear ... I don't need to hear fear or anger I need to feel these emotions ...

okay I hope I didn't offend that isn't my intent .... keep writing ... but not on the same chapter ... if you keep going over chapter 1 and 2 you'll keep re-writing 1 and 2 forever .... because you will never feel as if they are good enough ... the curse of writing ... it's your baby and you don't want to let it out the door unless it's perfect and believe me you can always find words to change ... you finally have to say ... enough!!!!

Once you get it to a publisher or editor then someone will pick it apart anyway!

Keep on writing ... even if it's just writng for yourself ... Deb

__________________
"Ubi dubium ibi libertas."

"We are all lone souls. It pays to know humility, lest the delusion of control, of mastery, overwhelms. And indeed, we seem a species prone to that delusion, again and ever again ....."