Fear of Death

Ronin · 10-20-2006, 02:34 AM

What do you guys do when you feel anxiety about death?

Especialy those of you who, like me, once beleived in an afterlife and now don't. Is there anything that one can do other than try not to think about it (which doesn't work for me)?

}SoC{Sumguy · 10-20-2006, 02:20 PM

what happens happens. worrying is pointless and makes your life more miserable.

accept that is is a fact, and move on.

Gringo · 10-20-2006, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ronin

What do you guys do when you feel anxiety about death?

Especialy those of you who, like me, once beleived in an afterlife and now don't. Is there anything that one can do other than try not to think about it (which doesn't work for me)?

Ronin,

I was like you in that I once believed in an afterlife. When I was in my 20's and 30's I hardly every though of death. But now, as I am in my 40's I find that I, also, think about it more and more. There is really nothing we can do to stop it (death coming) so i guess we should just stay busy and try not to think about it. If there IS a Heaven, then when we die, we'll be better off. And if there is NOT a Heaven, we won't know it. So just be happy now. And yes, I know, that is easier said than done.

Gringo

Faydwyn · 10-21-2006, 08:25 AM

Ronin,

Death is a part of life and I agree with }SoC{Sumguy. In fact, what he said is true in general, not just about death. One should do the best they can, take what action they can, and then let it go. Of course this is easier said than done.

Many of the Eastern philosophies, spiritualities and religions teach that one should live in the moment. Worrying about the past is useless because there is nothing you can do to change it. Worrying about the future is pointless because it isn’t here yet. If you are worrying about the past or the future, you cannot enjoy the present. And the present is all you really have. I find there is wisdom in these teachings.

Many of them also teach that you should face up to your feelings. Our culture is very much the opposite, we push them aside, pretend they aren’t there, and hide them from others and even ourselves. This is not a healthy thing to do in my opinion. So, my suggestion would be to spend some time exploring why you feel this way. Ask yourself: Why do I fear death? What scares me about it? Why do those things scare me? Etc. Though if you (or anyone) have severe depression, or other mental health concerns, it might be better to do this in the context of a psychologist’s office or the like.

There are other cultural aspects to consider as well. To a large extent our culture as a whole fears death; we are a culture that values youth. This is not universal. There are other cultures that do not have the sort of fear and apprehension that we do. Perhaps exploring some of these other cultures and their spiritualities might be beneficial for you as well.

Rest assured, you are not alone in your concern about death. As Shakespeare, through Hamlet, said, “…[T]he dread of something after death, the undiscover’d country from whose bourn no traveler returns, puzzles the will, and makes us rather bear those ills we have, than fly to others we know not of…”

I have been debating about how personal to make this post. Let me just say that my situation in life is such that death is something that I have done some mediation and contemplation about, and that the advice I have given are things I am working on myself. If you want to further discuss the topics I have brought up, you are welcome to PM me.

}SoC{Sumguy · 10-21-2006, 09:03 AM

Teddy Rosevelt said that every night he prayed "for the strength and will to change what i can, and the good sense to accept what i cant."

brig · 10-24-2006, 02:22 PM

Like Ronin, I once believed in an afterlife, but feel differently about death. I try to live my life in such a way that I fret as little as possible about things I have no control over, be they things that have passed or may still come to be. I appreciate that's easier said then done for some, and unfortunately I don't know of any advice that could ease that.

But I do feel that if you think about it thoroughly, you will realise that no good can come of worrying about such things. Live life to the fullest, and be the best person you can be, I'm sure the rest will take care of itself.

Also, perhaps you could elaborate a bit on your anxieties. Are they spiritual related? Or about leaving family/friends (either personally thereof, or the situation you would leave them in)? Talking about them may help you understand what you are really worrying about, and help you come to terms with it.

THEWAULRUS · 10-24-2006, 05:19 PM

I try not to bother myself with it and just live my life the best way i can. If I can do one thing to help the world and become remembered by at least someone, than dying won't be as bad for me...

Ronin · 10-24-2006, 11:52 PM

Hey guys, thanks for all the responses. I actually am in therapy for depression and anxiety and have talked about death with my doctor, and I realize that no one really has "The Answer" (after all, that's what being agnostic is all about, right?)

But I was actually thinking more philosophicaly than fishing for free therapy

I mean, assuming that there's no absolute Good, in what do you find meaning? Some people just try and enjoy life while they have it, but I've always found this approach rather unsatisfying, and of course if one is given to reflection its difficult not to think, "What does it matter? Once I'm dead I won't remember whether I had a good life or a bad one." Many people talk about helping others or making the world a better place (which is more emotionaly satisfying to me than the former) but it seems as if you run into the same basic problem: those others you help won't remember having good or bad lives once they're dead, either. Eventualy this world will be uninhabitable and the universe itself will become cold and lifeless.

I tell myself to have courage, but if courage is the act of overcoming fear in the interest of some greater good, how can you have courage if there really isn't any "greater good?"

Basicaly, I've spent my entire life up until now investing value in a spiritual world which (probably) doesn't exist, so now I'm trying to re-invest this world (in which I've never had much interest up until now) with value. But my idea of "value" has been based on the supposed qualities of this alleged spiritual world: eternal, absolute, moral perfection. In short, everything that this world isn't. I see suffering, and I feel an intense desire to alleviate that suffering, and that's pretty much all my life is based on right now. But surely that's not all there is to it - I mean, if the only thing that matters is to relieve suffering, then the best thing I could do for the human race would be to blow up the planet.

So let me rephrase my question: when, on occasion, you remember the reality of death, not only your own but the unescapable finitude of everything humans typicaly value, and you find yourself asking, "So why bother? What's the point?" - how do you answer yourself?

**George** · 10-25-2006, 01:16 PM

Well my problem is that I don't think of death in terms of the action itself but the affects of it.

Dying means I will no longer be around to guide my kids even though (hopefully) they'll be well into adulthood by then and hopefully I'll be around until their kids (my grandkids) reach early adulthood. But when I die my kids will still be alive and won't have me to guide them (more like protect them) anymore and help them with life's toughest obstacles.

But what saddens me even more, because deep down I know my kids will be OK without me, is the fact that I will miss the rest of evolution. I'm often so VERY thankful that I live in this day and age and don't suffer the things my grandparents had to when coming up. Not having some of the many modern luxuries we have today I can't fathom what a kid did for fun back then

Not to mention that I just know mankind has a LOT of evolutionary, cosmic, scientific, and religious surprises ahead of it. In fact I firmly believe our knowledge will one day surpass the need to believe in a God entirely whether he exists or not. I'd like to be here that day. But sadly I know it won't happen in my lifetime.

We live in strange times where both wonderful and terrible things happen all the time. Which is why I'm absolutely addicted to cable news

I'm jealous of all the coming generations that will live to see things I never will. When 9/11 happened one of the many things I thought about was how sad it would be had I not lived to see this. All the dead people who will never know this happened. And other events of this magnitude.

As for this question:

Quote:

So let me rephrase my question: when, on occasion, you remember the reality of death, not only your own but the unescapable finitude of everything humans typicaly value, and you find yourself asking, "So why bother? What's the point?" - how do you answer yourself?

For me that's simple. I value my life so much not only because of the experiences and knowledge it gives me but because of what it allows me to accomplish both for my family and others.

I believe the purpose of life is to live it! Enjoy everything about it and experience everything you can while you can in whatever way that means to you. So if enjoying life for you means helping others then by golly help the heck out of as many people as you can while you can. If enjoying life means travel and extreme sports then work hard, and make that money so you can do just that!

That way when the time comes for you to die, you have no regrets. You will have done everything in life that you set out to within your means. And though it sounds a little cliche, you'll "die happy".

}SoC{Sumguy · 10-25-2006, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ronin

Hey guys, thanks for all the responses. I actually am in therapy for depression and anxiety and have talked about death with my doctor, and I realize that no one really has "The Answer" (after all, that's what being agnostic is all about, right?)

But I was actually thinking more philosophicaly than fishing for free therapy

I mean, assuming that there's no absolute Good, in what do you find meaning? Some people just try and enjoy life while they have it, but I've always found this approach rather unsatisfying, and of course if one is given to reflection its difficult not to think, "What does it matter? Once I'm dead I won't remember whether I had a good life or a bad one." Many people talk about helping others or making the world a better place (which is more emotionaly satisfying to me than the former) but it seems as if you run into the same basic problem: those others you help won't remember having good or bad lives once they're dead, either. Eventualy this world will be uninhabitable and the universe itself will become cold and lifeless.

I tell myself to have courage, but if courage is the act of overcoming fear in the interest of some greater good, how can you have courage if there really isn't any "greater good?"

Basicaly, I've spent my entire life up until now investing value in a spiritual world which (probably) doesn't exist, so now I'm trying to re-invest this world (in which I've never had much interest up until now) with value. But my idea of "value" has been based on the supposed qualities of this alleged spiritual world: eternal, absolute, moral perfection. In short, everything that this world isn't. I see suffering, and I feel an intense desire to alleviate that suffering, and that's pretty much all my life is based on right now. But surely that's not all there is to it - I mean, if the only thing that matters is to relieve suffering, then the best thing I could do for the human race would be to blow up the planet.

So let me rephrase my question: when, on occasion, you remember the reality of death, not only your own but the unescapable finitude of everything humans typicaly value, and you find yourself asking, "So why bother? What's the point?" - how do you answer yourself?

you ask me why, i ask you why not.

also, i have the ultimate-guidebook-for-life handy whenever i need it.