Marriage

gst5050 · 01-12-2007, 07:03 PM

Hello all. I am new here so I hope I'm posting in the right section (someone please point me in the right direction if I'm not). My question for those out there that are agnostic/atheist/nonreligious/etc is what do you do about marriage? I am currently dating a guy who was brought up in the Methodist chuch and recently started attending again after a couple years away trying to "figure things out" in terms of what he was "getting" from church. I have never attended a church regularly or been a religious person, but I suppose I've been pretty much (I don't know if this is the right word or not) brainwashed by our culture to believe that you get married you do it in a chuch. That's just what you do. When I mentioned this to my boyfriend he immediately had concerns. He thinks it wouldn't be right to "use" the church for a wedding with no intention of joining it. Logically I can see that it is irrational to not want to attend a church regularly but to have a wedding in a church. But at the same time, that's just what I've always expected. Has anyone encountered a similar problem or have any advice.

Thanks!

**SithLord** · 01-12-2007, 08:12 PM

So I mean what does he want you to do? Not have the wedding in a church?

I thought believers just wanted you to go to church. No matter the reason you are there.

In either case I wholeheartedly advise you to find a new Beau and quick.

You see... if you're ina relationship with a religious person and you're not the only way it could ever work for any amount of time would be for the you both to nto care about each other as much as you say. For a religious person to just say "they don't care that you don't believe in God they love you anyway" is BS! If they really loved you they'd do everything in their power to save you from eternal damnation don't you think??

But to do that they'd basically have to offend you and disregard your right to beleive what you want to on a daily basis.

Relationships between theists and atheists or even agnostics to me is just the perfect picture of two people not being fully honest with themselves.

LeighA · 01-14-2007, 10:47 PM

It is actually very common to "borrow" a church for a wedding even if you are a member of another church or of no church at all...As for Sith's comments i have to disagree...my husband and i have very different beliefs and we have been happily married for 3 years

Crystal17 · 01-25-2007, 08:30 PM

In some ways, I agree with Sith. I guess it is my hope that two people who truly love each other could work things out even if they had different religious beleifs, but it seems difficult when one is atheist or agnostic and the other is religious.

I would say that if you are going to continue a relationship like this, you had better know exactly what you beleive, and exactly what he beleives. Attend his church and all that just to know what's going on. If you don't understand his religion, you might be very sorry you married him. Even if he's not hugely religious, his family might be and if you are not ready to take that on, quickly back away. A religious family + a semi religious spouce can = a nightmare because he won't be standing up for you! Kids can throw another wrench into the clockwork. Make sure you think things all the way through.

He also seems to be heading in the religious direction. His church will welcome him and may prod him to find someone religious like him. Even if they don't, you two will always have one thing that you totally disagree on. That's already a mark against you.

I'm all for relationships working out, but I know a much older couple who is atheist/christian, and though they seem to work things out, he seems to be swaying to the christian side of things the longer time goes on. It's disheartening to watch because he's one of the smartest people I know.

I seriously hope I didn't offend you, but it is a very serious decision. Best of luck to you.

**The An-Jel** · 01-27-2007, 03:43 PM

Well if I ever get married it will only be for legal reasons like children or spousal privledges. It doesn't take a church or anything to say you love and want someone always in their life. It doesn't take marrige except in the eyes of the courts and government. To me, if your not religious it just depends on how much you dislike religion. I think religion is an obstruction to reality but if the girl is dead set on a religion but is worth being with I really could careless where the deed is done.

Crystal17 · 01-27-2007, 06:53 PM

I agree with An-Jel.

I got married when I was a religious person, and now that both of us are agnostic, we stay together because we love each other. The peice of paper stating that we're married means nothing. Neither do the rings, but the fact that I have someone I love to wake up with in the morning means everything.

redcliff · 01-29-2007, 01:26 PM

Quote:

The peice of paper stating that we're married means nothing. Neither do the rings

What about C-rings? They can really enhance things...

Quote:

but the fact that I have someone I love to wake up with in the morning means everything

That's nice when you're young, but older people tend to be fatter and too lazy to go to another room when they have to FART. and believe me they REALLY have to release some gas in the morning.

So good luck waking up

to that sound

in the future!!!

**The An-Jel** · 01-30-2007, 12:08 AM

Extremes of the emotions... I think they are interesting. Hate is plural where Love is singular. It is amazing to me. Thats a whole nother topic and for sure one I will flake on only from experience.

C-rings um... redcliff I am scared of you already!

Old people... it isn't about the physical act... it's about everything else shared.

**The An-Jel** · 01-30-2007, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crystal17

I agree with An-Jel.

I got married when I was a religious person, and now that both of us are agnostic, we stay together because we love each other. The peice of paper stating that we're married means nothing. Neither do the rings, but the fact that I have someone I love to wake up with in the morning means everything.

Well said for me at least!

amber25 · 03-05-2007, 11:48 PM

I don't see anything wrong with getting married in a church no matter what your faith. Churches rent out their space. Its just a building and some of them are very beautiful.