invisible

Hi everyone. This could be posted in the wrong place. If so, I do apologize.

I just really need advice from a logical person. This is long and possibly ranty, so fair warning


Ok, so here's my issue..

I'm a mom of 3 year old boy. For reasons that I don't wish to discuss, I'm stuck living with my parents for about one to two years. I'm an agnostic person. I have been for a long time. My mom has always been Christian, but recently she's become a little scary about it.

If she wants to believe in her god and it makes her happy, then I'm happy for her, but lately she's been trying to shove he beliefs onto my child, and that makes me mad. I don't want my son to grow up as a sheep, following the god crowd and fearing the possibility of burning in hell. I want him to grow up knowing that he can think for himself. I want him to decide what he believes. I want him to grow up to be a kind, helpful person because he's a kind, helpful person, not because he's afraid something bad will happen if he doesn't.

I have expressed this to my mother. I have expressed this to her multiple times a day for quite a few months now. Thats when she tells me that I'm condemning myself and my son to hell. She even told me I was evil yesterday, in front of my son.

I know the first response to come to one's mind would be to move, but I can't leave yet. I'd tell you why, but I think this is long enough as it is.

Until I can leave, is there anyway I can keep my mom from damaging my child with her insanity? Am I over reacting? I do that alot.

I can't think of a solution to this myself. I can't keep him away from her, as he loves her dearly and he see's her all day long. I can't get her to shut up about her beliefs around him, as I've tried and failed. I can't even explain to him the reality of all of this.. It's much harder for him to understand what I think compared to, "jesus loves you and if you're good and believe in him you'll go to heaven and get cookies instead of living with the mean old devil".

I'm sorry to bug all of you with this. Thanks for actually reading this mess of a post.

Holly

El_Mariachi64

He's 3 now? So when your able to leave he'll be 4-5 years old?

I would say just ignore it for now. For one thing, he's still a baby. Any influence your mom could have will easily be eroded over the years. After all, most agnostics decided to be agnostics not as kids, but as adults. What's more, you can teach your son to be inquisitive and doubtful anyway, so maybe, on his own, even while you're still at your mom's house, your son will start not quite taking your mom's word 100%. Also, remember, she's not the only influence. She'll tell him she she believes, and you can tell him what you believe, and he'll quickly figure out that the 2 views are not compatible, and one just isn't very logical. Don't underestimate your kid

"I can't even explain to him the reality of all of this.. It's much harder for him to understand what I think"

your thinking about it too hard. He's 3. He's not gonna get it anyway, neither what you say or your mom says. Just start by going over with him all the religions in the world. That will be enough for him to do all the thinking on his own.

So for now, just ignore it. As an agnostic, really, you should know that getting in a fight over religion is just not worth it.

The An-Jel

Thats a rough one and it's hard to tell your kid that his grandmother is derranged as well but that would be about the only way to get his mind clear.

I can't really agree that just ignoring it especially for the next 1 or 2 years your mother is going to be calling you evil in front of the childs face. No one ever really knows how long a childs memory extends to I mean I remember some significant events when I was 4 years old so I can empathize with you here and thats why I can't totally agree with El Mariachi64. I mostly remember extremely emotional moments which is why I can't agree (no offense) and I am not going to say they haven't affected my character to a degree.

Arguing isn't really going to help so I suppose any time your mother goes off on one of her tirades I think the best you can do is Laugh and let the child see you laugh... like you are shrugging it off. If anything he'll remember the emotional impact and a child unless physically assaulted will remember the laughter and maybe even treat what your mother is saying like a game rather than any kind of serious debate.

Calling you evil just isn't right!

__________________
"And let there be Light!" said the Blind man.

Life is simple, people make it complicated - Basilisk

Nulli Expugnabilis Hosti - Royal Gibraltar Regiment

El_Mariachi64

Laughing would work. Just let the kid think his grandma is joking. Maybe the whole God idea will become one big joke as well, as it should be

her calling you evil is terrible, but just laugh about it in front of the kid. That would work.

WilliamBlue

Don't laugh too hard as you might upset your Mom and turn into a big thing, laughing at someones beliefs can be dangerous. I myself would just smile, when he gets older you can explain the difference between fact and fairy tales. Like when he starts to question the existence of Santa Claus

__________________
When you dance with an elephant it's up to you to not get stepped on.
How can we be so arrogant and egotistical to believe that the whole Universe was created just for us?

sisterX

Relax, he is only 3 he probably doesn't understand half of what she says and probably forgets the other half in 2 days! Your mother raised you didn't she? And you've rejected christianity right? Your son can sense your stress so just be relaxed about it all.

__________________
"But as for me (I believe) that He is Allah, my Lord, and I shall associate none as partner with my Lord." Surah Al-Kahf verse 38. Holy Quran

kjk437

Many people have come out of the clout of religion having been entirely immersed in it their whole lives, so the fact that your child has someone to help him think freely in their life suggests that he has, in fact, a leg up on the metaphorical competition, so to speak.

duck

Let me ask you this: Is your mother doing the "My house, my rules" routine?

It would seem that she also has an agenda that your son will be raised her way, not your's as long as you live there. I would suggest this as a motivator to moving out as soon as you can manage it as a suggestion.

Geshtinnanna

Tell your kid grandma is coocoo in the head and to just nod and pretend to listen.

__________________

The An-Jel

Yeah I kind of thought about saying that but then kids have this nasty habit of repeating whatever grownups say around them and since invisible can't leave there for awhile I didn't find it viable no matter how True it appears!

__________________
"And let there be Light!" said the Blind man.

Life is simple, people make it complicated - Basilisk

Nulli Expugnabilis Hosti - Royal Gibraltar Regiment