xXBrittx08Xx

I got in a discussion with my boyfriend's mother because my boyfriend and I are both agnostic. We discussed the remote possibility of having children in the future and his mother said she would take our kids to church every sunday if she could. My boyfriend and I agreed that this was wrong because it conflicted with our beliefs and we both had church forced upon us and did not appreciate it. Thoughts please. Britt.

Telimaktar

I'll be in that same boat soon, my wife is 2 1/2 months pregnant. She is telegoo, a form of Hindu while I'm mostly agnostic and we have had debates about it.

I said that we should raise the child to be good and disciplined while she wants the child to follow her belief with it's 5,000,000 gods. Needless to say that it can be frustrating but she finally agreed (I don't trust her though ) that the child will eventually decide for themself whether to follow a religion or not.

She recently told me that the child will be doing their Telegoo traditional rubbish. I asked her for the history and/or meaning behind these "traditions" and she said she doesn't know. lol, don't you just love blind faith.


Edit: It will be your(and your partners) child, no one elses, so they should just shut their pie holes! I've got that same thing now, where the families are saying, we'll do this, name it that. I'm like a snake in the grass waiting for the moment to explode and sink my fangs deep into my prey.

tommi atkins

No matter what you do, the child will pick up the religion of the nation you are in. My daughter is currently singing " King of all the world" and she aint talking about Elvis.

Just resign yourself to it, if the child brings religion up, simply get them to debunk it themselves by getting them to apply their own logic.

"Noah saved all the animals"
"Where did he get the duck billed platypus's from sweetheart?"
"I dunno"
Get them to explore it like that, till they can see for themselves the hilarity of it all.

debdodd

The more your boyfriend's Mom tries to force religion on the futuristic grandchild ... you can bet the child will run from it .... besides, I've learned thru my own son .... just expose them to all religions.... they figure it out. My son knows I'm agnostic (he's 17) and I took him to churches, mosques, Hindu temples, buddhist .... you name it and he is figuring it out just fine .... all you can do is give the child exposure to as much as possible and they "get it" ... my son plans on working with the United Nations and all the religions I exposed him to has only made him aware of how unimportant all that is in the big picture .... best advice don't tell 'em what to believe, educate them to as many religions out there and let them "try" them all on ... they'll work it out and grandma will be pulling her hair out in frustration. When Alex ask me what I believed (several years ago) I ask him .... more importantly, what do you believe and we went from there ..... at this past Christmas celebration with the family .. grandpa was making us all hold hands and he says his "thank you Lord .... blah, blah, blah" and I look over at Alex and he is smiling at me with an arched eyebrow like "what the hell ....????" but we just grandpa go one with this because a) he's old and b) why argue with him ... once again he's too old to change and it does nothing to try and tell him what we believe ... once you get to a certain age you realize more often than not it's useless to tell people what you believe ... it really doesn't matter and why start up all the drama? Who cares what they believe ... certainly not me .... both of my sisters are religious (one a religious nut) and they are both very fu#@ed up and their kids, for all their being dragged to church every Sunday are equally screwed up ..... odd that she wants to argue about hypothetical kids .... good luck with that mother in law!!!!

__________________
"Ubi dubium ibi libertas."

"We are all lone souls. It pays to know humility, lest the delusion of control, of mastery, overwhelms. And indeed, we seem a species prone to that delusion, again and ever again ....."

Geshtinnanna

I figure when you are old enough to stand up for yourself then you will be old enough to have a baby

__________________

shadowind

it does seem religion is forced in some way, alot of people take their kids to sunday school, then when they grow up and if they decided to believe differently they still think they can be "saved", so they try to force their older kids to church, its really annoying.

__________________
remember "for mere impulse of appetite is slavery, while obedience to a law which we prescirbe to oursleves is liberty"-rousseau: the concept of the general will "if we can not reconcile all opions, then let us endeavour to unite all hearts."-?"to be is to be perceived"-? "‘We can be as honest as we are ignorant. If we are, when asked what is beyond the horizon of the known, we must say that we do not know’-Robert G. Ingersoll

Skepticologist

My son and his wife are home-schooling 5 of my 6 grandkids because they're attempting to keep their little psyches totally within their direct control and make them into bible-thumping believers like themsleves. So far, they're pretty much successful. But, please forgive me grandfatherly bias, every one of those kids is, in the words of Garrison Keillor re: the children of Lake Woebegon, above average.

In the interest of maintaining a collegial relationship with my son and his wife, i.e. sanction to be with my grandkids from time to time on an unsupervised basis, I don't challenge the beliefs they've been impregnated with so far. But I do make my own beliefs clear to them, only if they ask.

All I can hope for is the opportunity to help them think critically about things when and if they come to the point where they're ready.

__________________
"I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of."

Clarence Darrow

GX

You bring up a very important question that is not easy to answer in one statement. Are you agnostics in the strictest sense "waiting to see proof you havent yet seen" or do you lean towards a belief in some sort of higher power but refuse to believe the negative religious dogmatic explanations you grew up with? Either way, your children will not be growing up in a vacuum regardless of whether they go to church with your mom or not. Even if they dont go to church, they will be exposed to religion via schoolmates, society, etc. and its better that you do not ignore the issue of their "spiritual" development because if you do, others wont and your kids will seek answers elsewhere and may become the very paranoid "religious fundamentalists" that you are not. Kids will want answers and you better be prepared to give them more than "I dont know". So what should you do? Help them make spiritually healthy choices.

This is what I would do if I were in your shoes and is what I personally consider spiritually healthy choices:
1) Tell them that there is no such thing as hell or the devil or a God that metes out eternal punishment and warn them that the religions and people that teach this are screwed up, backwards, misinformed, or however you want to put it that is age appropriate. This way they wont fall into the negative traps of fear or guilt or be victims of a cult or become "religious fundamentalists"

2) How about when kids ask "Is there a God?" Depends on how you answered my question in the first paragraph. If you believe in a higher power but not in religious explanations, tell them yes and that God is love and would never judge or condemn you and explore this part of your spirituality. I recommend reading "conversations with god" a non religious book on spirituality by Neale Donald Walsch and reading up on people who have had near death experiences (www.near-death.com). Those who have had near death experiences vouch that there is no devil or hell and that God is love. These references describe a very healthy non-religious spirituality.

If you are not sure, say that you havent seen any proof of God, but if there is a God, he/she/it is definitely is not the way as described in point 1. I would then tell them to look in their heart and make their own choice on this and to let me know. If they choose to believe, I would guide them to the healthy directions I outlined in step 2 instead of sending them off to some religious fundamentalist churches.

Either way, Good luck!

GX

Danlo

That is seriously f*!ked up! Your child, you decide how they are brought up.

D.

(mind you, we've chosen not to have children so I don't know if I'm really qualified to comment!)