Jasen777

I wasn't sure which section to put this in, I hope this one is ok.

I used to be a Christian, although the last 6 years were a struggle. I didn't fully reject Christianity until about 5 weeks ago. I've really only told one of my Christian friends that I don't believe, and he hasn't taken it to well. The person I told is the one who by far knew the most about the doubts I was having about Christianity over the last years. He doesn't know how to interact with someone who has rejected what is the key thing in his life.

Anyways, I was wondering if anyone had some advice for how to bring this subject (not believing in Christianity anymore) up to Christan friends. Or perhaps someone could relate how this went for them?

AB517

Remember, there is a difference in believing in a higher power and religion. I ask them if they believe Jesus was true man and true god. I am actually in this position right now.

Be true to yourself and be understanding to them.
I suggest that at first go into a passive defensive position before beginning to advance your positions. Do not lose your friends over this if you love them. If they chose to leave you, that’s on them and is not actions of true Christians.

GX

Jasen, I need a lot more info than you are giving me here in order to make a recommendation
1) What is your "agnostic status"? Do you believe in a higher power/God or whatever but not in religious explanations or are you truly "not sure until proven otherwise"?
2) What age group are we talking here? (you and your friends) And are these friends coworkers, childhood friends from church and/or school, current classmates? Are these friends hardcore fundamentalist christians or just your average churchgoers?

Why do you want to bring it up in the first place? At this point in the discussion, my initial advice is to not even bring it up. I personally do not care to discuss my spiritual beliefs with my friends and coworkers. There are many other more interesting things that I would rather talk about with them and religion is last on my list.

GX

Jasen777

I'm no going to try to cause trouble. But I'm not going to lie or mislead either. If by "advance your positions" you mean trying to convince them of my views, I don't have any interest in doing so at this time.

I'd like to hear the experience others have had. Surely there are some ex-Christians on here.

Jasen777

I believe that I have no evidence for the existence of a deity. I haven't given up the idea that there may be "something," but the closest I could come to Christianity is Deism (which I would still be uncertain about).

I'm 27 and single. My Christian friends are of various ages, they're from the church I was going to until recently and past churches I've been to. They're pretty standard southern church goers, conservative religiously and politically. They're fundamentalists by the original definition (belief in substitutionary atonement, deity of Christ, etc) , but that word carries alot of negative connotations today. I guess you could say they are nice fundamentalists. They're decent people.

Work is fine.

I don't really want to bring it up. But I'm going to run into people around town once in a while, and at the least, I'm going to get people asking why I haven't been at church. I'm not looking for arguments, but I'm not going to hide what I think and pretend to be a Christian either.

shadowind

good, just tell them the truth. their reaction, is their reaction. if they ask i would say" i haven't been to church becuse im not into that anymore" "into what" "religion". man, i can imagine the startling expressions already.

__________________
remember "for mere impulse of appetite is slavery, while obedience to a law which we prescirbe to oursleves is liberty"-rousseau: the concept of the general will "if we can not reconcile all opions, then let us endeavour to unite all hearts."-?"to be is to be perceived"-? "‘We can be as honest as we are ignorant. If we are, when asked what is beyond the horizon of the known, we must say that we do not know’-Robert G. Ingersoll

duck

I agree with shadowind in that you shouldn't raise the issue, but just tell the truth when asked. If they are true friends, they will deal and if not, well....I guess you didn't need those friends.

__________________
Religion: The ultimate definition of verisimilitude

GX

Thanks for the info. That clears things up a lot. First of all let me say that being truthful with someone doesnt mean you have spill your guts about every little detail in your life. You have a right to privacy about whatever you choose to keep private, be it your beliefs, salary, sex life etc. and its up to you how much of it you wish to divulge. That said, I would only divulge only as much as I feel comfortable divulging. In this case just enough to answer their questions and nothing more and then take the lead and change the subject. The best way I can explain this is by example. What follows is an example conversation:

Friend: Hey how come I havent seen you in church?
Jasen: Lately, Ive become more spiritual than I am religious ("spiritual" has many meanings)
Friend: What? Did you join a cult or something?
Jasen: No, I would never do that. Im just doing some soul searching thats all (then change the subject) Hey how have you been? Whats up with your girlfriend?
Usually thats all that it should take with general friends and acquaintances. If they continue pressing you, continue changing the subject and they will get your drift. Just think of it if they were asking you your salary amount and behave accordingly.

For close friends be just as vague as above but if they continue pressing
you can make general statements about your beliefs without spilling your guts e.g.:
"I dont think you need to go to church to be with God, God is with you 24/7"
"I cant imagine a vengeful wrathful God"
"I dont have all the answers and thats why Im still searching"
In other words think of statements that are true to you, yet palatable to them. If worse comes to worse, and they keep pressing you after this I dont see any other option than being totally honest. Whats the worst that can happen? If they are truly decent people, they wont that get in the way of your friendship. If it does, tell them you cant believe how they are acting and how something like this could come between friends? If they are still pissed off, they were never your friends to begin with and good riddance.

I would probably still go to church for the major holidays (christmas and easter) with the extended family as a sacrifice for family togetherness to make them happy, just as I would sacrifice spending time with the girlfriend watching some sappy chick flick I dont really feel like seeing to make her happy.

I hope this helps a little.

GX

Jasen777

Thanks for the reply. I think you're right, I shouldn't be that concerned with how others react when I tell them the truth.

NotConvinced

I use to use the term "questioning my faith." Seems like your friends are the sensible kind who would take that answer for what it's worth. Everyone questions their faith at different times in their lives and at different depths. Hell, if Mother Teresa can question God and her faith it gives just a little leeway for the rest of us.

There's definately plenty of dialogue you could use that would express your situation yet still convey respect for your friends beliefs, if the situation arose for such dialogue.


Good luck, hope things go well for you.

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