Geshtinnanna

He never asked me to convert. He asked me to stay who I am. I just loved him more than my belief system. He was raised a Muslim. To him it's not his religion, it's his way of life. And I want to live that way of life with him and let what happens happen. I never stumbled or hesitated. I knew that this is what I would choose willingly and with sincerity.

When I was younger, I was raised Catholic. And that was a sincere belief for me. Then I changed. I was then simply an Atheist and that was a sincere belief for me. Then I changed. For the last 21 years I have been a Satanist. I would expect that to change as well to the next form of me. My belief system is something that evolves with me. It's never wrong for me. So this will be another change. And I take it without compromise. I do so willingly.

He could not convert to Satanism. It would go against everything he is. As for me, I am able to convert so if I am the one to convert, well then I am the one that will convert. I have no ill will or grudges. I am the one who knows how to cook well, so I'll be the cook. He is the one that can be a doctor, so he is the one that earns our living. It's a simple process for me I guess.

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Danlo

Thanks for the response. I think it's great that you can be so receptive to change. He's a lucky man!

D.

romansh

Hi Geshtie,

two (well maybe three things) come to mind:

Firstly, and most importantly, congratulations. I'm sure many here will be wishing you and Lecter all the best.

Secondly.... could you both not keep your respective beliefs?

Thirdly ..... I suppose it's more a comment about me more than anything else. It took me many years to go from a vague theistic belief to agnosticism. I could not imagine 'throwing a switch' a deciding to believe again?

Like Danlo I'm curious

all the best

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tomo0862

Thank you all for your insightful responses! There were a few comments / questions that are inching me towards the core of this issue.

A little background;

I; was raised Catholic but didn't practice - in adult life, attended United Methodist services at the request of my ex. I was always open to it but never felt the "presence". I do live my life, however, following many of the principles illustrated in the Gospel - more out of common sense, courtesy, and respect for my fellow human beings rather than because it was dictated to me through scripture.

She; was raised Catholic, married into an Assemblies of God family and became a lay minister / Sunday school teacher / home group host along with her ex who was on the church board. Her son is now a music minister and is about to graduate with a seminary degree and be ordained.

Since we met, she has gone to church four times with me and none on her own. I'm always willing to go with her to enjoy the music as well as appreciate the message and fellowship. Which brings me to the conversion question(s).

Gesht;
By converting to Islam, do you have to accept certain articles of faith?

If so, do you truly believe in them now and reject your former faith?

If not, will your future husband and his bretheren be offended if you convert without accepting their beliefs?

Also;

Is one measure of how much we love each other going to be how much one of us is willing to compromise on faith?


So, Danlo, Duck, WilliamBlue, shadowind - Given what you know about her background now, I guess this doesn't bode well.

Christians - let me hear from you! Please let me know why we cannot make this work unless I accept your beliefs.

JoeC - I feel your pain bro!

evil wiener

Hi Tomo, nice to meet you. While I do not know your girlfriend or her family, I do have a lot of experience dealing with Christians and the whole scene. I went to a private Christian high school (on a scholarship, in what seems like a previous life) and, honestly, it was that experience that completely drove me away from any sort of organized religion altogether.
In my experience, Christians are more concerned with how they appear to others than they are concerned with the actual practice of being Christian. That being said, I would imagine you can make this relationship work if you just agree to go to church with her. People at their church are going to ask about you, and even though Jesus taught a message of acceptance and tolerance, they will be embarrassed to have to say that you are different. Keeping up the "perfect family" appearance is VERY important, and you seriously damage that in their eyes by not attending. If you really want it to work with this woman, nut up, go to church and stay quiet ... trust me, you won't be the only one there in your situation. 90% of the people there are saying one thing and doing another anyway.
Ah hypocrisy ... but I digress. I've seen the situation before, and her parents will appreciate the effort; it is your appearance that matters most. If her parents really are as devout as you described them, then you will probably be facing an ultimatum soon, so you may as well be pro-active.
I hope I haven't offended in any way, I don't know the particular people involved, so I can only speak honestly from my experience. I hope everything works out well for you.

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tomo0862

Evil Wiener -

I don't know the percentage of church goers saying one thing and doing another but I think that this may be one of the issues my girlfriend has. Not with me though, but with those of her own faith.

I actually am able to live a moral life without the Christian doctrine guiding me. She's told me several times how she admires the way I conduct myself. This might be part of what concerns her as she has trouble reconciling it scripturally and, I think, is worried about what her fellow Christians might think.

I have no qualms about attending church services with her. We go to contemporary services which are quite a bit less meditative than the traditional ones (I've always enjoyed the quiet, reflective segments of the traditional). I stand and sit at all the proper times, listen attentively to the sermon, take notes on ideas I wish to explore further, and conduct myself in a freindly, open manner. I've never been asked about my faith at these services but I'm well prepared and resolved to be honest about my agnostic position. I'm not going to fake celebrating the Gospel while there or otherwise disrespect the faith of those in attendance who truly have that faith. This may also be a cause for concern on her part.

Wow! Good therapy and, again, I really appreciate everyone's comments.

Thanks,
Tom O.

Geshtinnanna

Well first I would be moving to Egypt. And also he hasn't asked me once to convert. This is something I want and look forward to. He says I don't need to change. I said I want to willingly and outwardly live my life as his Muslim wife and mother to our children. With that I will be adhering to all the Muslim laws and etiquette. I am a strong believer in behavior leading thought. I have a strong feeling my behavior of being a Muslim woman in a Muslim society, I will eventually follow thought wise. He understands that my actual belief of God and that struggle is privately my own.
Again it won't be a switch. I guess it's like giving up pork. Living in a community that doesn't offer it I will simply adjust. Again, this is something I want to do. I have personal reasons.

I will have to follow the five pillars of faith. Other than that I will know as I start to begin visits to a local Islamic learning center here with a Mosque. Again I will adhere outwardly until my inner self comes to an agreement, whatever that will be. But I want to honor Lecter by giving him something that will make both of us happy.

Pragmatically I choose a faith on what it offers me. Satanism for now offers me what I need as a single woman. Now that I have a significant other, I want to open up to this new faith. Honestly I have found it to be a very inviting faith. I feel I will have this certain freedom in my anonymity and privacy and etiquette of a married woman. What this will offer me is something I have been searching for. I also find Islam to be a religion of thinking and reason. It encourages me to ask all these questions so that I am not following blindly and am actually understanding faith. Catholicism and Christianity never gave me this. They pretty much told me to shut up and don't ask.

I don't think I am rejecting anything. I am evolving. Faith is a living thing. I evolve as it evolves. I have always made a consious decision to move towards something as opposed to running away from something.
I believe Lecter would be happy with me converting for my own reasons. As for his family? My faith is my own private business.

Not always. But for people like us, it is a big question.

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WilliamBlue

Congrats, when is the day? Did his family know that you are converting from satanism? I know, off topic, sort of, but inquiring minds want to know...

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Geshtinnanna

Lecter needs to finish medical school first. So there's a few more years. We've known each other now for 3 years. Lecter is a very private guy so no one knows anything yet. And no, I won't be telling them about my Satanism. When I move to Egypt and marry him, it will be a brand new life. I want to start over I guess. For now we are just having those conversations about practical stuff...he wants to know if he can have the remote... I want to know if I can have a pink kitchen.
oops.

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Danlo

Forget the Satanism/Islam argument....there's the real marriage breaker!!



D.