My family from way back has been Christian with grandparents as very fundamental christians, I lived with them for a year and subsequently became a youth pastor and asst pastor for the Assemblies Of God organisation.
My oldest son went to a christian college, so Christianity was all I thought about.
There were times I would see months to where I went to church everyday of the month.
I read all the apologetic, last days christian books I could get a hold of before I was even a teenager.
Then a few years back I couldn't get the idea of good people going to hell....
I knew awesome people that treated me better than most christians did, but according to christian belief they we sure to be in hell if they did not believe as the christians did..
Then I started to remember back with I was a kid and things that went on in church, that didn't add up.
So anyway,,,I started to do some research and saw God as egotistical, a tyrant and not so omni anything, so I found out that the Bible was really a human book after all..
So anyway,,,,Here I find myself agnostic, I really didn't know I was until a few days ago...
My son still speaks to me but keeps his distance because he doesn't want me to influence his daughter, my grand-baby..
My family thinks I am lost and in sad shape, but feel I will come back to my senses in time
So I am alone in my battle and thinking, but I just can't go back to the old way of thinking.
Even though it is kinda different and lonely as I really don't have any idea about god anymore, as before I just knew who God was and what I thought he was all about..
But it is nice to be taking these steps of adventure and seeing what's out there
...
Peace
Jack