Effectively, what's going on, is that you are a child who's beginning to question the idea of santa claus and trying to catch him in the act of delivering presents
Hopefully you get through this time of questioning and come to realize what the symbol means (in the case of santa, it's the christmas spirit of giving and such). In the case of hell it's that harmony is achievable (amongst other complex ideas). You'll be opened to a realm of understanding of the universe that allows us to map out the cosmos, land a man upon the surface of the moon, manipulate the genome of a variety of creatures, and bring people together like never before with modern telecommunications.
And maybe you'll reduce the pull of fear and desire on the path you take in life and really come to grasp what it means to be aware in this marvelous universe