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"Why do I deserve that?" You do not AS USUAL,
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Heh.. oh man. I bet you're one of those same people that would say that it's ok for a parent to toss their child in an alley too.. Or to smoke crack while they're pregnant. You'd say that a parent has no responsibility for their creation.
I get it. Your self destructive attitude is a HORRIBLE example for society. This power structure built on guilt and self destruction is sickening and it's why I will fight against the EVIL that you represent faith.
I know a much more beautiful world than the one you've been brainwashed into. I know a beautiful world that is without sin. A beautiful world that has transcended the dump you seem to live in. And yeah.. They're the same world.
Even with all of the horrors that go on in the world. Even in the face of the evil that exists. I still know of a world without sin. And I still see what the creator meant when he said "and it was good."
I sit in the garden of eden with many others. You are still outside the walls screaming and crying and railing against your experience. But from where I sit, there is no outside or inside to the garden. All you need to do is open your eyes. You'll see you were there all along.
This is enlightenment. It's what the Buddha and Jesus experienced. Many people have made the realization. The tree of the knowledge of good and evil also set the 2 cherubs at the gate of eden and also set a boundary between the outside and inside.
And they're all within your mind only. It's so terribly unfortunate that you (and so many others) continue down this sad sad sad path. But hey. It is what it is.