actually I liked him the very best from 4 to 11 years old he was very much a "huggy" affectionate kid then ... I was god/goddess theand knew everything
now he knows me (and my temper) well enough that he doesn't push the envelope often. He knows that if he discusses things with me or comes at me with logic, I respond much better. Not too long ago he got in a car with a girl (go figure) who only had a probationary license (not allowed to have other under 18 year olds with her in the car yet, state law) anyway .... about 2 hours after he came home he came to me and tells me he needs to talk to me ... okay, surprises me and confesses to what he did wrong and told me ... Mom I deserve what ever punishment you give me (what the hell? I would have never found out!) ... he just felt so guilty about lying to me is what he said ... so I grounded him for a month .... he never once complained, took his punishment like a man and after 2 1/2 weeks I let him off for good behavior .....
from the time he was little I stressed that lying was one of the most horrible things he could do .... I didn't go for the whole killing and stealing was bad, I went to character issues, those other things I knew life would teach him .... we all know killing is bad ... it speaks to me of his character that he would know he was gonna get in trouble and instead of just hoping he didn't get caught like many teens he chose to "fess up".
I admire what a strong moral compass he has ... that what makes me so proud of him. He intends to work on global peace, specifically in the middle east, he doesn't see color or religion, he sees people trying to live, take care of their kids and he wants to make a difference .... at 17 he's not looking to make a gazillion dollars he just wants to help ... I like the man he is turning into .... even if I still have to remind him to brush his teeth or watch his smart mouth .... so far so good.
If he raising him thru adolescence had been as horrible as pre-kindergarten I would have set him on the porch and let the gypsies have him! (I would laughingly tell him that when he was little ... not to disparage gypsies, my Mom would say she'd let the Indians have us back).
One time he told me that he couldn't wait until he was 18 and could move out .... I made him go pack his stuff ... he cried, I said if he didn't like the rules the orphanage had empty beds.
I took him by his bio Mom's house, it was a very trashy white neighborhood, dopers and trashy yards, said this is where you could be living ...... you've been given a chance, you don't have to end up here like your brothers .... I think he got the message .... after that year his grades got better, he went from a B student to a 3.7 GPA and I didn't/haven't had a problem with the whole "I could have a better life without you kind of attitude" I am sure child psychologist would/will be screaming that I have caused mental scars on him but I maintain that kids don't come with manuals on how to raise them, you've gotta use common sense. What will work on one child won't work on another so ... I do what I can/could.
I have only spanked him once (a swat on the butt to get his attention doesn't count) my rule was that we don't put our hands on anyone except in love and he had been a bully at the babysitters, hit this one kid after several warnings, so I left work on my lunch hour, came over to the babysitters and spanked his chubby little bare butt ... told him to sit in the bedroom and think about what he'd done ... then I walked into the living room at the babysitters and cried like a baby! Wiped my tears away went in and talked to him about why he forced me into doing what I had threatened for weeks to do and hugged him, told him I loved him and went back to work .... to my knowledge he's never hit anyone again ... he hates violence that people do on one another ...
I think the biggest thing is that we always talked, really talked about life and people and what matters. I had him at equal rights/gay rights and whatever rights meeting from about 7 years old on .... so like I said he sees people not color, religion or sexual orientation ....
Okay enough bragging and postulating like I know the answers, I just guessed right on occasion .... Oh the one thing I do know and know beyond anything .... I was never, ever gong to be like my parents .... we were beat with belts, sticks, shoes, broom sticks, what ever was close at hand, we were told we were stupid and so much other vile crap ... I swore then I would never, ever be remotely like that. I left home at 16 and rarely looked back. Oh and we weren't poor white trash my parents were way upper middle class. To this day I can barely spend anytime around my parents .... now as Kay would say ... they suck!