xxkayxx

Well, I'm not quite sure if this is the best place to post this, but i feel like i really need to get this out there. Anyways, today i was faced with a situation, food poisoning perhaps, and it got to a certain point where I just wanted the pain to stop and actually prayed to god. This isn't a daily thing for me , keep in mind, and right after i actually felt a sort of shame that I was in a way "forced" to go against what i believe, and do that. I then realized that in the past, even though i was an atheist, when times got hard, I'd make "bargains" with "god" thinking that perhaps it might have an effect on things, if in fact he did exist. This is all very confusing to me, and i realized if god did in fact exist, and putting me through pain was a sort of way for him to get me to "acknowledge" him, then i really dont want anything to do with him. This experience has definately made me question my beliefs, and think about how brainwashing might go even farther than i had originally thought.

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If a million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing