I dont think you will find an answer here spiritual. What you will find here are points of view, opinions. You have to read, ask and look for information and then get to your own conclusions.
None of us is sure about if god exists or not, thats why we are agnostics. Even atheists cant be sure if there is or is not a god, but they, us, refuse to believe because different things, science, bible contradictions, and other things.
Look inside yourself, dont feel guilty, feel free. Think what bothers you and look for info.
If you end up believing something exactly as any member here told you, or just because you read it somewhere, it would be the same as following a religious leader. You cant let anyone tell you what to believe or what to thing. Again, the most important thing is to get to your OWN CONCLUSIONS and feel confortable with what you have chosen to believe and think.
This place is great to get information, analyze different points of views, understand things that otherwise would be out of your understanding and to ask, share and discuss things freely. Just be yourself and talk out all those things that are killing you on the inside, it will make you feel better. No one here will judge you, remember we are all in the same boat.
Good Luck
Joe
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