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well, to try and put it nicely, although i beleive (know, in fact) that your memory of the evens of your life as you remember thaem could not possibly have occured, i do agree with MickinEngland about christianity. God has not alienated himself from you, you have alienated yourself from him. Accept him, and he will take you into his arms as he has wished to do since you first cameinto existence.
"seek ye first the kingdom of God, and its righteousness, ask and the gates shall be opened unto you"