Toonia

After involvement in many discussions online with both theists and atheists I find the manner in which I process information to be different from both. I have not studied agnosticism in depth, but so far have found more similarities between theists and atheists in the manner in which information is processed. I have seen quite a few paralell's in the thinking styles of these opposite poles: valueing black-and-white categories of value, answers taking precedence over questions, and dismissal as a filtering process for information. Converting/convincing others has been a strong motivator for both and it is not "okay" to be in a different camp.

So far both have rejected my desire to ask "Is there God? What is God? What is?" The theist see it as doubt and sinful, the atheist as irrational. Theists perceive me as an atheist and atheists perceive me as a theist. It is frustrating to have black-and-white assumptions and categories constantly projected onto my statements. I am still trying to learn how to communicate. I do not hold any belief absolutely, but with varying degrees of certainty.

I do feel compelled to search for "god", a deeper awareness, the meaning sentience has come into existence. That my mind can't even hold within it a literal size of the earth which is but a speck, leaves me to consider that an answer is not guaranteed. I feel like the search is a climb through high mountains. Many set up camp with the assumption they have arrived at the end of the journey. I don't know if or where the journey will end, but I feel compelled to search. People who assume agnosticism is lazy do not understand how hard it is to live without resolution - to never set up camp.