when I was little we would have to do these nuclear bomb drills or what ever they called them back then ... not the disaster drills that they call them now ... anyway, I can remember that I was so scared when I went to bed at night, I thought the communist were going to bomb us while we were sleeping and that I wouldn't get to do all the things I wanted to do in my life. At that time I prayed every night, praying that God would spare the world 'cause of my "to do" list. Weird that 8 years old I had a "to do" list before I died but I did. It included getting married, have children, go to college .... the mundane things in life ... I was so scared I would cry myself to sleep .... What kind of life is that for a person to live? Afraid that you are going to loose the opportunity to accomplish the "mundane" things. For a while I would fight sleep because of that fear. I had to rationalize it all out finally or go completely crazy with fear of not waking up tomorrow. If I died in my sleep tonight my only regret is that I left too many books and things about my bed and that the person who comes to settle my affairs will have to sort thru all the stacks of books and misc. junk wondering what to do with them. I have few regrets. Sure I hope to live long enough to see Grandkids and stuff like that but few other regrets. I have known happiness, sadness, indifference, love, hate and lust, and can usually tell the difference. I know I have made a difference in other people's life because of the things I have contributed to society ... one's impact on the life of those left living is what matters.
My point is: don't dwell so much on the actual mechanic of life that you forget to live it. One cannot do more than ponder the mysteries of life and for you to use caution with your line of questioning existence for you can loose yourself in that pondering and perhaps find only hopelessness. Find a way to find joy in the moment, live in hopefulness for what is around the corner and contentment when you you are old of a life lived well. Don't get sucked into the abyss of what if ....
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"Ubi dubium ibi libertas."
"We are all lone souls. It pays to know humility, lest the delusion of control, of mastery, overwhelms. And indeed, we seem a species prone to that delusion, again and ever again ....." |